Miscarriage

Well- i will be honest, for me..at times...it is paralyzing. i understand that many women deal with fear in pregnancy but when you have walked through a miscarriage or multiple for that matter,and before that years of infertility, thought everything was great and have been blind sited.... it has the potential to really mess with you. 

. 

So being that i am terrified....i thought a perfect opportunity to tell you i that will  take it day by day. 

i have fully prepared myself to walk into the doctors office and see a little baby with no heartbeat.  

But you know what that is doing?

 it's robbing me of my joy...my excitement for this beautiful life growing in me. 

i will enjoy  the thought of the way that your  body changes perfectly to  accommodate  another.
i will celebrate morning sickness and exhaustion 

if it ends in another loss i will celebrate  three children that we will raise on the other side and know.. that God has a plan even though i don't understand i will trust in Him.

why i will be a better blogger...

  in those moments where i felt alone, i felt heartbroken,       angry.....i read this …

I find beauty in not only the beautiful things in life, but the bittersweet and sad as well. To me, there is something poignantly lovely about the human experience from its splendor to its grief. God created all our emotions, not just the happy ones, and for His good purposes. That's why a good cry can feel so good. And hitting our limits forces us to look outside ourselves for a Savior. It is in the plea, when we're at our end, that we can find that which is truly life-giving. Personally, my moments of deepest grief, deepest pain, have resulted in the most beautiful seasons in my heart. I've met God more intimately in those moments than in all the other pleasant ones combined. What isn't completely lovely about that?"

…and suddenly felt like someone out in the world possibly understands. I believe that we all go through "seriously icky stuff" ........i am choosing to share rather than keep it locked up...it is my prayer that someone, somewhere will draw strength, or at least feel some form of comfort knowing that they are not alone. i want this to be a place of encouragement, joy,and uplift, but i also want it to be real.

Lincoln Louie Douglas

After much anticipation the Lincster has arrived!! Sept. 14 at 7lb and 7oz. 19.5 in at 3:56. We are so excited for you and the new addition to your family. You have been blessed with one of our Father in Heavens greatest blessings. I know you wish you were closer to your family( and we wish you were too) but you will be blessed for supporting your husband and his career, wherever that maybe. Enjoy every minute you have with your new baby!! I know that you will be a wonderful, patient, understanding, parents. I can't even stand it that I have not been able to kiss those cheek-ys!! He is absolutely perfect....

28!!!

July 1st was Jeds Birthday, The BIG 28 .....and my does he make it look good!! We decided to head out of town to CELEBRATE. We planned a road trip to Sun Valley ( i should rephrase that, when we road trip we plan NOTHING basically we just took OFF) Let me tell you it was much needed as Jed was out of town the ENTIRE month of JUNE ( except 2 days). We had a great time it was my maiden voyage to REDFISH LAKE, I cant believe that I am native to Idaho and have never been there!! BREATH TAKING, it is just amazing how clear that water was. We took our BIKES, ate great FOOD, RELAXED, TALKED about childhood memories, Jed had a MASSAGE and he also bought me a FACIAL on HIS birthday.......HE IS SO GREAT!! ALL -in-ALL we had a GREAT TIME!! We returned home just in time for the ANNUAL Malta 3rd of JULY Celebration!! As well as the Parade in Albion on the 4th....... MY MOMMA pulled through with another GREAT FLOAT for ATC.

CANT BELIEVE ITS BEEN 6!!!

Today is our anniversary, I am sitting here in Logan at the kitchen table getting ready to drive to Idaho. Jed is in Cleveland Ohio, Jed volunteered to go after work was left in a pinch so that they could fulfill their contracts..... Just another reminder of the WONDERFUL MAN that I am married to. I made the best decision of my whole life to marry such a wonderful man. He has only been at this job for a month but willingly volunteers to take a 2 week trip to places that he has never been before, not to mention doing something he had never been trained on, But says with a SMILE, I WILL FIGURE IT OUT. JED I LOVED YOU IN THE BEGINNING, I LOVE YOU STILL ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL... I LOVE THAT YOU ARE SUCH A HARD WORKER. I LOVE THAT YOU ARE DEDICATED TO WHATEVER YOU DO I LOVE THAT YOU DONT ONLY HAVE ONE PLAN IN MIND BUT ARE FLEXIBLE I LOVE THAT YOU TAKE THE DOG TO THE BABYSITTER SO I DONT HAVE TO GO FEED HIM ALONE IN THE DARK I LOVE THAT YOU CALL ME THE QUEEN AND TREAT ME LIKE ONE TOO I LOVE THAT YOU RIDE BIKES WITH ME EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU WOULD RATHER BE ON YOUR HORSE I LOVE THAT HE IS SO SUPPORTIVE OF ANY WILD IDEA I GET. I LOVE WHEN YOU PUT COLOGNE ON BEFORE I GET HOME!! I LOVE THAT YOU HAVE DINNER MADE WHEN I HAVE HAD TO WORK LATE. I LOVE THAT YOU ARE A WORTHY PRIESTHOOD HOLDER. I LOVE THAT YOU CAN HANDLE ALL FIVE CONVERSATIONS I THROW AT YOU ALL AT ONCE. I LOVE THAT YOUR FAMILY MEENS SO MUCH TO YOU I LOVE THAT YOU ARE COMPASSIONATE WHEN I HAvE A BAD DAY. I LOVE THAT YOU WORK SO HARD AT SCHOOL EVEN THOUGH YOU HATE SITTING IN A CLASSROOM, BUT YOU DO YOUR BEST BECAUSE YOU KNOWS IT WILL BE BEST FOR OUR FAMILY. I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOOK IN YOUR SUNDAY BEST I LOVE THAT YOU RACE ME TO THE BABIES AT FAMILY PARTIES I LOVE THAT YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLY PATIENT I LOVE THAT YOU WRITE ME LOVE NOTES. I LOVE THAT YOU STARTS MY CAR WHEN ITS COLD OUTSIDE. I AM MARRIED TO MY BEST FRIEND AND I TRULEY COUNT IT AS MY CHOICE BLESSING. The last six years has been quite a journey we have moved 8 times, had 9 different Vehicles, 13 different horses and 4 dogs. The road has had its bumps like Jed assured me it would, it has surly not played out like we had planned, But every single BUMP and unexpected detour has brought us closer together. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABE, you are my FAIRYTALE

TOP TEN OF 2011

in no particular order...

1. Hello Cache Valley! After 15 months of Jed being in American falls and 12 for myself we are back!! I definitely do not miss those 2 hour commutes back to Serendipity on a weekly basis.I forget how much i love the diversity and culture in this valley.

2. USU. I think Jed is such a champ not only did he enroll back in school taking 18 credits but he did it with all A's and one B. Apparently long .....long hours at the feedlot was just the encouragement he needed.... No, but really while being in American falls Jed met some wonderful and encouraging people that have played a pivotal role in his education.

3. The BIG OFFER. Jed applied for a job with Pfizer as the Cow Calf Territory Sales Manager. They saw great potential in the Malta farm boy and offered him the job. During the background check we found out they do not like speeding tickets. SLOW DOWN. Turned out to be a blessing because 4 months later they dissolved the position.

4. We made our maiden voyage to the Winnemucca Ranch Rodeo and Horse Sale. Jed had spent a lot of time at the Zimmermans Barn in American Falls getting J.J. Silverbullet Guy ready to go. J.J. was the horse that we had had the longest, not only that but we got him as a colt, jed started and finished him. Jed was so nervous at this sale which is completely understandable he had invested a lot of time and effort into this horse, it is a very personal thing to sale a good friend like that. All-in-all JJ was the 4th high selling horse. LOOK OUT 2012.

5.Even though we hardly ever saw each other in American Falls because of c-r-a-z-y work schedules, we met some GREAT people, and had some great experiences that will help us be better and more qualified for the future.

6. COOL RUNNINGS, Park City 2011 We had the opportunity( one that I will most likely not take again) to bobsled at the Olympic Park with some of my co-workers at the Money 4 Life Center, the driver was on the USA team. It was and intense 57 sec ride.

7. One of the most memorable moments was seeing Mom and Kylee and Wylee go through the temple. I had the opportunity to be both of their escorts and wow you forget a lot of things that they go over when you first go through. So I don't know who learned more them or me but thanks for the opportunity.

8. Quality time spent with loved ones like a trip to St. George to spend Christmas with my Mom and my brother and his wife and kids, going out to Guy's little cabin and just visiting, or the week when school started and we had no place to live so Joy and Frenchy let us stay with them; surly the small and simple things mean the most.

9. Our Pearl of Great Price- Jules, oh how we love her! Julie is the sweetest person that we had the great privilege of living with till we moved back into our house. We really came to know her and love everything about her and her cozy home. Thank you for everything.

10. Unanswered prayers, yes unanswered prayers The Man upstairs really is in charge of this crazy thing called life and He knows what is best for us. Trials that turn out to be blessings and light at the end of an endless tunnel. In the mix of it all 2011 seemed crazy and hectic and now looking back I feel guilty for not giving thanks for the countless blessings we have received.